Posts Tagged ‘work’

Corp Bites: Me, Mayor & Sheriff

Posted: April 7, 2012 in Ramblings
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You’ve all heard me complain about work before, and also mention my favorite boss who is very ‘out there.’ I have used this analogy before, but I find that if I put it into writing, I can refer people here instead of explaining time and time again.

The way my group works is like a town, a very small, but very important town. In this town is the Mayor (the head of our group) and his right hand (wo)man (the secondary leader of the group). The Mayor oversees the town’s citizen’s well being and the Sheriff enforces the laws.

In this scenario, I am a citizen much like my other colleagues. I have had quite a negative first experience in the town, and only a few other citizens would know those. Yet, the natural of the town is that people only stay for a few years, moving on, as others move in.

I have always had a problem with the law as the Sheriff’s and the police force seem to find me difficult and too knowledgeable about the difference between de facto and de jure laws. All of the other citizens don’t understand why I have so much disdain for the law even though I get pulled over all the time, otherwise harassed, etc.

But as everyone knows, the Sheriff and police force included, the Mayor and I are pretty close. I don’t know why, but we are. The police force finds this incredibly annoying and believe that I flaunt this connection and that makes them upset and believing that I take the law less seriously than others. Whenever I complain about the law to my peers, I hear about how being so close to the Mayor is salvation.

Now, here’s where it gets interesting. The Mayor knows that everyone knows that he favors me and is sensitive to this, yet fears that he will be showing favoritism. As a result, each petty thing the police force does cannot be excused by the Mayor. Instead, it’s only for the big things where it’s a one-time ‘get out of jail free’ card that there’s any intervention. So on average, I get bothered more by the police despite the Mayor’s high favor of me and that rubs almost all parties the wrong way.

The example above is what work is like on a daily basis, being profiled all of the time.

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Harlem Shake Gone Wrong

Posted: January 5, 2012 in Everything
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Colleague: What’s funny is one of my friends said they were having a good day at work yesterday so they started doing the Harlem Shake and didn’t realize her boss was watching until he came over and asked her was she having a seizure

 

Hmm: Business Self-Defense Kit

Posted: November 8, 2011 in Tech & Design
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via Yanko Design

“I thought it’d be pretty knarly to design a deck of self defense cards. Things such as brass knuckles, pepper spray, pocket knives & whistles to name a few,” says the designers.

Monday Alcoholics

Posted: July 11, 2011 in Everything
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via Goodbye forever fatty
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via Thought Catalog

If your job doesn’t suck, you probably work somewhere where you’re allowed to listen to music at your desk. And if you’re like me, you listen to music as much as you can, and sometimes leave your headphones in without music when you decide you actually want to be productive, just so no one will bother you. But all music is not created equal, and all music is definitely just… not created for the office.

Adele

Every woman loves Adele and thinks 21 was written about her. Adele keeps it real. Way too real for work. That entire album will take you on a bipolar emotional rollercoaster that should only be ridden in the privacy of your home. One minute you are feeling so empowered like the independent woman that you are (single ladies!), and the next you are contemplating raiding the office supply closet and fastening a noose out of paperclips and highlighters (I can’t believe he didn’t put a ring on it). No, you think, use your words. But that’s a mistake too. You find yourself plagiarizing her lyrics in dense emails to your latest ex thinking it helps to articulate some sort of revelation or newfound clarity on what went wrong and why you’ll never, ever be together, but really it’s just the same recycled thoughts from the last four months. But wow that was a well-written email, better written than the few sentences of work you’ve managed to do all afternoon, and it’s almost 7:00 so you think you’ll just call it a day.

Gucci Mane

Gucci is too ignorant for work. Period. Every second you listen you are becoming less capable at your job and more amenable to the idea of an ice cream face tattoo. Also too ignorant for work: Waka Flocka Flame, Wiz Khalifa, Ke$ha

Nicki Minaj

On the mornings I listen to Nicki Minaj on the way to work, I feel invincible. This is not an exaggeration. I end up tweeting lyrics like “you can be the king, but watch the queen conquer” only to have all my friends who aren’t funemployed (awake before noon) retweet with exclamations and smiley faces and we all feel so empowered. I wish this were an exaggeration, because by the time you get to work, the empire you’ve been building in your head on your commute comes to a gruesome and devastating end when you open your email inbox and realize you are the boss of no one. You start responding to emails while “Did It On ‘Em” plays in the background and this seems like a totally fine idea. But as you respond to requests one by one, they become more and more combative. “Sure, no problem!” turns into a dismissive “when is this due?” and eventually devolves into no response at all. It’s right about that time your boss approaches your desk and asks you for a “favor” that Nicki says “if I had a dick, I would pull it out and piss on ‘em” and you are wishing you did and wishing you could use it. Naturally by now you’ve managed to create an imaginary Li’l Kim rivalry with everyone in your office and you wish you could get away with barking (like a dungeon dragon) to get what you want when you realize it’s only 10am and you’re a motherfuckin’ monster. Just killed another career it’s a mild day.

Also too combative for work: Eminem, Chris Brown, Fiona Apple

R. Kelly

Say what you want about Kellz – yeah he peed all over that poor girl, and sure he recorded an entire song that was just an argument with some (same?) girl, put it to a beat and called it “Real Talk.” But real talk, if you have ever made a sex playlist, somehow R. Kelly still finds his way on it. And if you have ever been blackout drunk at 3am, trying to holler at some sober dude, you’ve probably used the words “bump ‘n grind” in a text and been surprised that it worked, then questioned the next morning if you should be sleeping with someone who can be seduced by R. Kelly lyrics from last decade. Whatever… I won’t explore my relationship to R. Kelly any further here. It’s complicated. But I will say that when an R. Kelly track comes on my iTunes at work, mostly accidentally, I swear, I have to turn it off immediately. Can’t even let it get past “this is my song for real no doubt…” because by the time he’s talking about feelin’ on my booty, I am instantly transported back to some night memorable for no other reason than R. Kelly was on in the bedroom. It lights some fire in you that should only be put out in your private time. But you try to put it out at work anyway. You stop working on that brief, start wondering if that hot co-worker is capable of doing what that guy did to you that night, decide to email him for a nonexistent favor and slowly more emoticons and more innuendo starts creeping into your work emails. In the middle of that exchange where he asks you how wet the rain got you on your way to work ;) , your boss asks you to weigh in on the latest draft of that brief, and caught up in the moment with hot co-worker, you reply something like “looks tasty to me ;) .” You up and leave out of the office, quickly, and pray your email gets misinterpreted as enthusiasm for your project.

Also will light your fire at work: Maxwell, Ginuwine, Robin Thicke, and Ciara’s “Ride” (warning: watching the video at work will make that fire explode.)

I listen to soooo many of these artists at work.

Deep Thoughts: Work & Life

Posted: December 14, 2010 in Food for Thought
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Now that I’ve been in the world of work for 15 weeks without any non-holidays off, I think I have a good perspective of what makes me happy (and what doesn’t).

At the highest level, you could hate the industry you’re in or the company you work for. I hated Sears as a company, but like some other ‘downstream’ things.

At the next level, you could hate the group you’re in, the people who lead it or how it’s run. This is where I hated working for ASA, as our tyrant leader sucked. And until recently, I hadn’t realized that’s actually the most enjoyable job I’ve had.

And then, you could hate the people you work with or the project you’re on.

Which level should you be willing to compromise on? And at what point do you decide that one of these levels won’t ever change?

I guess it all boils down to what you value, right? What’s your reaction when someone says:

‘Oh, I don’t think about what I wear…it’s easier to just not think about it’

‘I work hard (for the money) until I can find what I really want to do’

But really, I think going to Harvard has informed how I feel about these statements. Getting into Harvard is hard (for some), but it really isn’t that great for everyone.
You have the means and the ends, many people and Harvard students are content to focus what the ends are, but never really contemplating better means.

I know i-bankers and consultants who aren’t happy with their jobs, but do appreciate the money and focus on the end result of what it will do for them.

I think those people are really good at delaying gratification, an ability highly correlated with SAT scores – I did ‘poorly’ in both respects.

Maybe my impoverished upbringing has made me and others focus on immediate gratification and seeing the bigger picture. But to caveat that, I should also admit that I’m not upwardly mobile, so I tend to be more hedonisitic.

And that means, what I what, I want (now). So far, I’ve made it through 22 years that way, but I’m wondering if/how I can maintain being this way and/or if this is an acceptable/viable way to be.

As always, I would like your thoughts via comment or springform (see bottom of the column on your left).

Thanks, but NO THANKS

Posted: September 21, 2010 in Food for Thought
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That was my response to someone asking me if I was interested in working in porn…Yup, that happened.

Adulthood: Day 1

Posted: August 30, 2010 in Ramblings
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Today was my first day at work, and it was…’fun’?

It started off quite early (6:30am) because my apartment is yet to be painted and cleaned, so that means commuting from home! The orientation process was actually quite fun, I met a neighbor and got some feedback for my soon to be iPhone4. All fun things. Then on to lunch with the new group and some idling around for the day setting up my cubicle. I have a ‘cube,’ my own cube!

The one upside that was tangible aside from the feeling of ‘holy shit I’m a real life person’ was finding out what I may be working on in the near future. And actually hearing about the other projects was super cool. I’m actually excited to start working, but I don’t think that actually begins until a couple more weeks.

Now for the negative (because isn’t that what you expect from me?). I can’t use Gmail, Facebook (obviously) or Firefox. Some of my favorite and love-hate brands that are part of my daily life. Oh, and I can’t record video (it could be confiscated for monitoring) or take pictures of people without their consent. Or ‘solicit’ for girl scout cookies. 😦

But to make this a compliment sandwich, let’s end on a good note. I got off of work at 5ish, will be meeting the leader of the group in the morning and I get to scan my fingerprints everyday just to get into the building. Mission Impossible, say wha?