Posts Tagged ‘self’

Servitude

Posted: June 15, 2015 in Ramblings
Tags: , , ,

I was catching up with a friend today over dinner and sharing a lot about my business school experience. I had a moment where I was saying I love chatting with people in the food services space. I think I usually say that it’s because I like the hope of getting free food, but it hit me that that may not be all of it.

I said “I think it’s because I feel like I should talk to them and try to make their day a bit more interesting. I think they must feel trapped having to be so nice to people.” There are probably a lot of things wrong with that statement, but I think it’s either how I view this experience to fit my own experience (like a Rorschach test) or that there’s a sad truth to it. I so often in school (and some parts of life) feel like I’m just living this dull existence where I deal with the annoying customers who want things that aren’t on the menu, have crazy demands or are otherwise bad customers, but to be service-oriented (to be likable, to not be seen as aggressive or militant and to fit in) you have to eat that crow and smile.

I started to wonder if I felt a strong bond because I too (this assuming this is the correct read) felt a sense of servitude to this way of being, this transactional (not relational) dynamic that makes me sad at my core. It’s pretty weird but I’ve always known I would never be good in the services industry and yet I’ve put myself in so many situations where I have to dull my personality to the point of wearing a metaphorical uniform and taking orders to maintain “order.”

Totally not a fully formed thought, but I’m going to think more about this and maybe write some more.

via Thought Catalog

Money

Teenage self: I’m rich! My parents just gave me twenty bucks to go out with my friends. That means I can afford a movie, a soft drink, and some candy! Must spend immediately. Burning a hole in my pocket. I love money!

20-something self: I hate money. Why does it cost so much money to simply exist? Why I can’t afford an iced mocha and some Sour Patch Kids? I really don’t ask for much. No one told me life was going to be this expensive. No one told me that if I get sick, I must pay insurance companies thousands of dollars. What’s more expensive? Cancer or a Birkin? WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Self-esteem

Teenage self: I love to hate myself. I wish I was born with a better body. If I had a better clavicle bone, maybe the opposite sex would notice me!

20-something self: I’m a pretty dope person. Why doesn’t anyone realize that?

Sex

Teenage self: I have amazing sex. I love sex. I do weird kinky things like 69 and stuff. Can I talk more about my sex life? I’m just so excited!

20-something self: Ugh, I don’t want to have sex with you. But okay.

Love

Teenage self: I’ve been in love once. I don’t think they knew I existed though.

20-something self: Love’s a necessary bitch.

Parents

Teenage self: Hate.

20-something self: Love.

Excuse to stay in

Teenage self: I have to finish my reading journal for King Lear.

20-something self: I’d rather wash my hair and watch Top Chef.

Fights with friends

Teenage self: I hate you today because I’m bored!

20-something self: I’m beginning to realize that I don’t like who you are as a person.