Posts Tagged ‘dating’
I was invited to try out an interesting concept: Grouper.
It’s a brilliant concept and terrific business model. The service logs into your Facebook and matches you with a person of your desired gender and tries to ensure there’s compatibility and no mutual friends. Each ‘dater’ invites 2 friends of the same gender. Each person pays $22 which covers one drink, and Grouper books the venue. If you can figure out that economics here, you’ll see why this is brilliant.
The date itself was very interesting before it started. Was there a strategy involved? How do you signal individual interest in a group setting? How do you end the date discretely?
Our side consisted of the ‘desperate’ and the two ‘friends’ and in our case the matching was a bit off. You can always tell by initial reactions and it was clear the more attractive one from the other side was not into it. And when our side discovered we were ages 24-26 and they were 30-33-35+ it became clear nothing was going to really happen. However, we did stay past one drink, spent 2 hours and I was invited (of the group) to the next round/location.
I count it as a win given my status as the non-matched. My personality is so sparkling…yet I’m single. Kidding. I’m totally OK with it…
Tags: dating, relationships, soul mates
Lately, I have been writing a lot about my feelings and where my emotional state is and have been learning so much.
When I first started this blog, I was single and wondering when I would have my "Just Haven’t Met You Yet" moment. I was curious as to when I was going to find someone that would make me happy, and would get me, and I would get them. And we met. I was initially convinced it was "Indestructible," and I was obviously wrong. We broke up.
And now that it’s been almost an entire year later, we’ve run into each other in a few awkward encounters (for me, at least). And then a few not so awkward and planned encounters that have lead us to a very undefined "friendship."
If I am being honest, I am still having a hard time moving on. I think there are a few reasons that are worth mentioning. We’ve both matured significantly since we met, yet still have a sense of comfort with each other that I have replicated with very few people since…and obviously none that have continued to date.
And as I started saying why I was having a difficult time moving on, a lot of things were revealed that I should really own up to. For instance, I don’t really make myself all that available to other people or I write everyone off as "boring, basic, out of my league" or "other." The "other" category is funny because it’s such a catch all and reveals how not seriously I take people.
I started thinking about the people that I’ve met that were perfect for me — just not perfect for me when they found me. Something that I’ve been contending with lately is what happens when you meet someone that is actually exactly what you need and/or what, but not the current you. What happens if you meet your soul mate but you’re not ready, and you lose them? That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. I’m not saying we were soul mates, but a meaningful connection is so significant that you would never really wish it from existence.
However, yesterday, I ran into someone that I’ve meet out a few times and have exchanged numbers, etc and always deflected anything possible romance. Even though this third time I decided to be a bit more polite, I realized that I find all of the right actions so foreign that I immediately laugh or dismiss all of the things that I’m looking for. It’s refreshing and surprising when I get what I need, but can’t cut out my own bullshit to let someone get to know me. The best thing that I took from last night was being asked/told "Why don’t you let me get to know you, and you actually let me get to know you."
Tonight, that is what I’m doing. I’m going on a date. I am putting my shallowness aside and trying to remember that I really have been finding it difficult to find hot people interesting and interesting people hot, so I will just let the new driver of my libido and interest drive this forward — the driver being interpersonal connection, shared interests, etc. I know that last part seems intuitive if not expected, but I am so aesthetically-oriented that I easily get distracted, swayed and influenced more by the messenger than the message.
No, it’s not what you think.
I arranged drinks for a work colleague and a high school friend yesterday that I wasn’t sure went well, but apparently did go very well — they’re meeting up for dinner later this month. I guess you could say that I’m a Patti Stanger, or Yenta given the demographics of the set up.
And then I went back to the restaurant, which I hand picked, to try one of their lamb burgers. It was delish. Was it awkward that I ate alone? Kinda, but I felt like treating myself as a king, and the blueberry cobbler was my war spoils. Nomnomnom.
In my dating life, my emotions are still very fucked up after this weekend. I can’t even blog it until I get more closure on things, but expect something coming soon.
Recently, I enjoyed the retelling of the "HPV Boy" story and remembered that I needed to blog this for you all.
Background: A friend of mine has been going on a few dates with this guy and the topic of science and research came up.
HPVB: *Goes down on Friend and expects reciprocity*
Friend:I’m sorry, I can’t. I don’t want to get cancer
Friend: I read that giving oral sex to a guy who may have HPV could lead to oral cancer and I don’t want to take that risk
HPVB: What….I don’t believe that
Friend: I’m a medical student, I know what I’m talking about.
HPVB: The research is not that conclusive, where’s your facts?
Friend: *Pulls up laptop while still in bed and cites study*
HPVB: That’s in The Times, but the research is not definitive…
Resolution: Friend & HPV Boy argue a bit more about it. He zips up, puts on his clothes and walks out. He goes home at 2am from an outer borough back to Manhattan.
Wow at this whole encounter. I live for these kinds of stories…
1: i’ve started watching telenovelas
2: lol, y?
1: listen to spanish
don’t have to commit to a whole movie
and it’s trash so i don’t really mind not understanding some stuff
2: fair point
i feel like i really just don’t understand spanish anymore
2: so a latino boyfriend?
1: lol yes.
I think I’ve realized that I would boil my life down to 3 main factors that impact my general mood: friends, dating and work.
I’m finding that usually only 2 of the 3 are going well at any one point in time. Usually it’s work that’s going well while the other 2 suffer, or work is going miserably and the other two are awesome (at best) or just one is going kinda well.
The funny thing is that if I had to prioritize what mattered most to me right now it would be dating, friends and then work. Not that my friends aren’t important, but that’s a generally stable relationship that has the most infrequent incidents. Dating is a seasonal concern, most pressing in winter weather and summer nights.
I should prioritize work more, but I just find it very difficult to define myself by what I do – or that I haven’t found a job where I’m OK with it defining me as such. I’m guessing I bring the friend or dating baggage to work (in terms of attitude, morale, etc) because that’s where I spend the majority of my time. And though I know it need to put all of those other things aside, the effort to do my work well and manage everything else is actually really challenging.
In college, it was friends, work and dating in a very distant last place. I was able to manage pretty well then, and for some reason I’m finding it to be a major struggle post-college. Maybe college (and high school) was just too easy for me and set up the expectation that I really could have it all. It will be a good day when I have all of my ducks aligned, and all 3 factors being in good favor. I’m really hopeful for that day. As an aside, the paragraphs in this post get increasingly longer as you continue reading (yeah, I’m a nerd, but tell me that’s not a cool random event?).
I’ve recently been in a situation where I’m deciding not to pursue someone romantically any longer because I would be a seasonal relationship. What’s that? Let me explain.
In an ideal world, you would want to be with someone for the entire year, your entire life time, eternity yada yada yada. However, you sometimes realize that different seasons, life stages require different aspects/qualities of who you are with. In this case, I’m talking about seasons.
Are you the perfect person to cuddle with, watch movies with on a weekend, be comfortable with in silence and have amazing conversation? Are you hot enough to keep me interested/faithful? Will you call me on my bullshit at all times? Will you be supportive?
If you are a ‘yes’ on all fronts, you are the perfect catch.
However, if you’re just the first question – the ultimate cuddler etc – you are the perfect fall/winter lover. Not hot enough to keep me interested when summer comes around and likely not assertive enough to want me to treat as you deserve to be treated. If you’re just plain hot and nothing more, you’re an intermittent lover that will never be fulfilling.
Is there a point to all of this? I’m at the stage where I’m debating between being comfortable for this season, looking for my ‘boo blanket’ or waiting to be completely happy and to have a relationship that’s fall/winter and spring/summer. I’m sure that as the temperature climbs, I will get lazy and revert towards the contest of the best ‘boo blanket,’ but I’m really hoping that I don’t have to.
Is asking for someone fairly attractive, pretty smart and somewhat put together too much?
I have to admit that I barely know about Fantasy Football, but I do hear enough about it at work to become annoyed and (slightly) informed. SO please bear with any inconsistent comparisons.
I’ve been going on dates with two people (don’t worry, I’ve been following Patty’s rules), hooking up consistently with one person and meeting people out at clubs and bars. I feel like I say ‘Yes’ to too many date requests because I never know when my laziness will pay off and I’ll find what I’m looking for.
So what’s the fantasy football connection? I would say that each date is like a big game, and each move corresponds to points gained and points lost. Considering that I try to give it a 3 date testing period before I consider what I want, it’s like the pre-season. In honesty, I am really comparing across dates and seeing who will make the playoffs.
Although, the twist here is that there may be no superbowl winner. I’m still not sure of what I’m looking for yet. I’ve realized that I approach a dilemma every time: I’m either physically or mentally/intellectually interested, but very rarely both. I’m hooking up with someone who meets both requirements, but in my usual act of self-sabotage I ‘catch feelings’ for those who are not the right age or some other criteria that makes it unlikely to be anything too lasting.
I know that it’s not really an apt comparison anymore, but the standings track friendships and date-ships. Fuck-ships are completely separate, although I’m trying to minimize those. I would say for that reason it’s become something of a fantasy league, I’m not allowing myself to let it materialize. After the last relationship, I feel like I can find what I’m looking for but putting people through the ringer is trying. And those that do fit the bill, I’m too guarded to let it go to where it needs to go to.
Perhaps, I’ll quit football again. Last time I was too short, no longer as good at my position and I was lazy. This time, I’m just unsure of what I really want, I’m not emotionally available and I’m still lazy in love.
Tags: compromise, dating, eartha kitt
Eartha Kitt is a bad ass bitch, may peace be upon her. I love love love her laugh at the notion of compromise. Although, I don’t completely agree, I enjoy her delivery.
I’m realizing that I either need to date someone who is a blogger or has interest that strongly overlap with I blog about…or both.
I was recently talking to my roommate about how difficult it is to find the right person, and namely how I have defined ‘right.’
It’s become abundantly clear to me that I require being with someone who is intellectual, and I don’t mean received a proper/good education. I’m talking about the type who questions the philosophical nature – asking the why of the ‘why.’
And because I’m human, I require some physical attraction. And as I have an unnecessarily specific (albeit not) specific set of characteristics that make me happy, I make my plight that much more worse.
Yet, the thing that struck me was that she said,
‘[those types of people] can stand on their own.’
And it’s (mostly) true. Attractive and intelligent people tend to recognize their worth and don’t usually need someone to complete them. Except when they do. And when they do, that’s where the second big aha came: they are difficult people.
So how do you manage to keep to difficult people together who likely don’t ‘need’ each other? And that’s what I’ve been coming to terms with lately.