First I’m going to cry, then I’m going to fuck my boyfriend, and then I’m going to break up with him
Unless you’re inviting me to your Malibu house, don’t call me this weekend
Do these eyebrows make me look fat?
I spilled a bottle of champagne on your fake Birkin because I care about you
When I think about the number of manicurists I’ve had deported over the years, I feel awful
If he uses a Blackberry, he’s too old for you.