I walk around wit a copy of my retirement plan on me. Like "girl, you fellate me right n you could be set for life".
I promise I’m a dick tho. But bitches have a hard time sayin "no" to a nigga wit paid vacations. I’m desirable as a muhfucka.
There should be a holiday the exact opposite of Valentine’s Day. Where you show your man how much you love him by making yourself scarce.
Sofia Vergara just came on my TV unexpectedly. So did I. And I am not ashamed.
HOW DO YOU WALK AROUND WITH YOUR LABIA EXPOSED?! You don’t feel the wind highlight sticking you fallopian tubes?!
Girl just walked by, and I wanted to tell her that her dress was actually a shirt, but I don’t think she heard me over her loud ass coochie.