Odd Encounters: The CW, The Ex & The BF

Posted: December 19, 2011 in Ramblings
Tags: , , ,

The CW (co-worker)
I was actually put in a slightly awkward position recently, which is being happy for someone but hating the structure put in place that makes them happy. I had just been given even more reason to dislike my group, and it is not saying the CW is undeserving but reinforces my belief that our processes are not equitable. And the worst part is that because that information is privileged, I can never cite it as fact in my argument that things are biased. I had to pull it together and say that I was happy for him (which I was), but it’s like hearing about any form of privilege or unexpected benefit – you are happy for the player, and still hating the game.

After getting on the train, the CW and I go to a bar to catch up, vent a bit about recent developments at work and exchange some life war stories.

The Ex

And guess who walks in? That’s right, the Ex. It wasn’t that bad, if you remember we were fine after the initially awkward encounter and the totally harmless Halloween hang out. Things were initially fine, I made the introduction necessary and all was OK. And then things changed. For some reason it made sense for me to be shown pictures of the people dated between our breakup and now, tons of subtle jabs and awkwardness (for me at least).

At another point there was an attempt to force me to drink, but I declined which was met with annoying persistence to get me to indulge. It was a very odd display of aggression (physical and mental) that seemed very out of place, and somewhat embarrassing.

And lastly there were even more jabs at our failed relationship, which is fine but still a bit hurtful. I mean, I ended things, but because I needed more than I was currently getting. And I was not as transparent with why I was ending it all, but I can understand people ‘acting out’ over being hurt. The only defense I used, seeing as how I didn’t want to be a jerk, was that claim ‘not ready for a relationship’ really sparked a fire. I couldn’t really be silent on that one, and decided that I would speak up which only opened up another flood gate that I actually just let go and took the higher road.

At some point the BF called and said he was on his way.

The BF (best friend)
I remind the BF to go say hi to the Ex, and they do and all is fine. It’s interesting how people can be very different around different people.

Eventually we left, and went to dinner with the CW. On the way to food, I recapped my confusion over the Ex’s behavior and realized that I was being put on blast to compensate for the hurt that I had previously inflicted. OK, I get it. You were hurt, so now it makes sense to return the favor…I mean, yeah, that is mature. OK.

After dinner, we went out, ran into Harvard people (that’s a near likely event when you go out in NYC). And ran into a woman who tried to make us dance, I pretended to not know how – my go to when I don’t like someone or am just not in the mood to be bothered. The BF mentioned that I was voted best dancer in high school, which was like fuel for her fire. I just stopped trying, and she started talking to the BF. That conversation ended when she realized that we graduated middle school when she likely graduated college. Night over, SantaCon up next.

SantaCon on Saturday — just imagine a ton of Santas overtaking South Street Seaport…and then a circle of Santas Tebow’ing, chanting U-S-A and Ho-Ho to the tune of ‘Ole Ole Ole.’ Thankfully that was done, but I couldn’t avoid the passive-aggressive encounter I had been dreading. "You hang out with my friends, but not with me" "I haven’t seen you in like a year." And my gut instinct was to say, although I thought it but didn’t say it, ‘Friendships work both ways, you don’t call me and you know where I live’ and ‘We actually saw each other this summer, so perhaps you mean a few months.’

And that’s when it hit me that my problems at work are dealing with passive-aggressive behavior inappropriately. Passive aggressive people are not looking for facts, they want you to emote. Sorry, not here. If you tell me I hurt you, I will amend. But don’t ask me to read between the lines or I will give you a blank stare and say ‘gimme dem facts doe.’


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