Archive for November, 2011

Corp Bites: Early rise

Posted: November 30, 2011 in Everything
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Coming in to work before 9/10 means you’re about that business and stellar execution. You also might not be that creative…

via Thought Catalog

Two girls run into each other at a house party. They have the following exchange.

You: Oh my god, SO good to see you. Sorry I didn’t make it to your birthday party last month. I really felt like I was coming down with something.

Your Frenemy: Oh my god, don’t you even worry about it! I figured you wouldn’t be able to make it. Seriously. Not EVEN an issue.

You: Cool. You know, I LOVE your bangs. Did you just get them done? I’ve always wanted to get them but I really don’t think they’d look good on me. You have a big forehead so they look perfect on you but my forehead is smaller so, you know…..

Your Frenemy: Thanks! You’re too sweet. They’re not new though. I’ve had them for, like, three years. I just don’t think you’ve ever noticed.

You:Are you sure? God, you must’ve just done something different with them tonight.

Your Frenemy: Nope. I’m wearing it the same way I always have…

You: Okay, well, my mistake!

Your Frenemy: Hey, did I see you walking out of Planned Parenthood the other day? The one on Elm? I was driving by and I could’ve sworn it was you…

You: (STIFFENS UP) Um, no. I don’t think so! Haven’t been there recently so it couldn’t have been me.

Your Frenemy: That’s so funny because I was almost positive it was you. You were wearing that backpack with your name stitched on the back. Gosh, you must have a twin roaming around…

You: Yeah, it’s uncanny!

Your Frenemy (WHISPERS) You know, I just wanted you to know that if you’re going through something, I’M HERE FOR YOU. Seriously. I mean that. Anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask.

You: Um, thanks. I know you’ve been such a good friend to me. I would totally tell you if something was up. I feel like we’ve become close again. I mean, I’m totally over that one time you told everyone I had herpes. Forgive and forget, sister!

Your Frenemy: I’m so glad we’ve moved on from that. It was just such a huge misunderstanding…

You: Oh, I know. And I’ve healed and moved on. No more drama. I think we’re in a good place.

Your Frenemy: Such a good place.

You: I’ve also forgiven the time you switched my birth control with Xanax. And the time you made out with my boyfriend in Cancun. And the time–

Your Frenemy: I was roofied in Cancun, okay?! You know that. I was straight up Marisa Cooper in TJ! And regarding the birth control and Xanax, it was a common mistake! I thought we were past those issues.

You: We are! OMG, we so are. I’m just mentioning it again to show how forgiving I can be.

Your Frenemy: Right. Well. maybe we shouldn’t rehash the painful past. In case you didn’t know, I’ve changed and become a better person.

You: And so have I. You know what? Let’s just hug.

Your Frenemy: We need a hug.

You: Let’s do it.

They embrace awkwardly.

Your Frenemy: I’m glad we did this. To be honest, I feel like there’s been some unresolved tension and I think you and I both needed to have some real talk.

You: Agreed. Well, I’m going to get a drink but I’ll see you in a sec.

Your Frenemy: Perfect.

The second they separate, The frenemy grabs a friend and mouths:

Your Frenemy: I hate that bitch. Let’s go.

So I know this exchange is exaggerated but we’ve all had a variation of this conversation with someone we don’t like. We’re not allowed to hate anyone openly because that would be “too high school” so what do you do instead? Act completely fake and spout off some BS like it’s our job. No one said we had to like everyone. But everyone says we have to pretend. WTF? No. How many times have we sat through conversations when someone is throwing tiny little daggers at us disguised as compliments and we can’t say anything? Instead, we exact our revenge by canceling on plans and not following them back on Twitter. It’s the 2011 way! Oh, and also, don’t ever say that I look “healthy”. We all know that means I look like I bathed in a deep fryer.

LOVE: Must Have Poster

Posted: November 29, 2011 in Everything
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via Goodbye forever fatty
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I need this poster in my life ASAP

Work life (in)balance

Posted: November 29, 2011 in Ramblings
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via blue tea leaves
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I’ve been working pretty long hours recently, like a shit load of hours. As in I haven’t paid for dinner (after 7pm) or taken the subway (cabs after 8pm) in over a week. This is the second project where I’ve been on this schedule, and surely my body will degrade like the paper on this wall.

Each day is a struggle to keep focus and not lose engagement, or have a bad attitude or any of the other things that come naturally when you’re overworked but in a very high-touch group at work. Did I mention the health conditions that initially started via work? The most recent being what I thought was a hernia, but is now not…well, not a serious hernia at least.

I guess I’m saying all of the seams (cracks if you will) are being exposed. Now they’re internal, while before they were external. To the outsider, I would be told that I am being mature and this is the way the world works. To me I say ‘fuck that shit’ where is my happiness? I don’t do delayed gratification very well. Or when I do, my insides start to look like what you see above.

Do you really want me breaking down from the inside?

LIKE: ‘Handy’ mp3

Posted: November 29, 2011 in Tech & Design
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via Yanko Design

Work Out – J. Cole

Posted: November 29, 2011 in Videos
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Need I say anything?

via Fashion Gone Rogue

doutzencover Doutzen Kroes Covers <em>Numéro China</em> December 2011 in Louis Vuitton

#Twitter: @GSElevator

Posted: November 29, 2011 in Tweets
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A (relatively) new favorite, GS Elevator…the GS is for Goldman Sachs aka Goldman Stacks

#1: Retards who post Facebook photos from a (Vegas) hotel suite are basically saying, ‘this is as good as I think my life will ever get.’
#1: Let’s get one thing straight. Mark Zuckerberg is a fucking loser.#1: Living my life is like playing Call of Duty on Easy. I just go around and fuck shit up.
#1: I have a large family. Using NetJets is almost cost-effective. #2: Certainly is when you factor in the value of time saved.

SNL: Lil Poundcake (HPV)

Posted: November 26, 2011 in Videos
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Wow.

Enjoy Europe…in America

Posted: November 26, 2011 in Food for Thought
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Excuse my frankness, and hear me out. I want to encourage you to have sex with Europeans that are living in America.

I won’t romanticize Europeans as good lovers because they have accents, have a different sense of self than Americans and are naturally more sexually liberated. Those are all nice to haves, and things that you can find when you visit Europe.

Europeans who have left for America are better than regular Europeans because they often have much less attitudw about being European and have been numbed by American-ness that they won’t find you annoying, loud or stupid (relatively, of course).

Why am I saying to have sex with them? That’s mostly how I’ve meet cool new people, which sounds strange. But sexual chemistry for me is really an extension of deeper personal chemistry. If we can have good sex, we can likely have great conversation. Or maybe I have just been lucky to have had great conversations with people I also have great sex with. The post-coital conversations are even better, and you’ll likely find out some cool things about regions/countries you may not have been to. And that’s why I say enjoy a European, not just for the sex, but the great conversation and hospitality offered.

Why do I mean by hospitality? Don’t be suprised if your Euro lover invites you to dinner (home made or after ‘the fun’), because they’re just really hospitable. And it really doesn’t mean they’re in love with you. That’s the caveat where most Americans get hung up and hurt. Just learn to go with the flow, and detach lover from a good vibe.

I think you’ve now realized these are the ultimate friend with benefits lovers. We all need that, right? Or at least any young 20something, I’d say. Except the benefit here isnt just sex but also a new perspective. I want to caveat this by saying you likely won’t find love in the sitch and that ‘European’ can be replaced by ‘European-minded Americans’ (but that’s very rare).

Rack City – Tyga

Posted: November 25, 2011 in Videos
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When I hear this song, I really hit my groove. It’s a mix of a chill song and a very ‘lose your mind’ kind of song…

IRL x IYH: Eyeing your crush

Posted: November 25, 2011 in Everything
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via bluetealeaves

Expectations

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Reality

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Facebook quotables: Post-Thanksgiving

Posted: November 25, 2011 in Facebook
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If I must work the day after Thanksgiving, I must also wear my most obnoxious color Juicy suit

Shade: Keri x Beyonce

Posted: November 25, 2011 in Videos
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Reich Fashions – A new trend in haircuts is dubbed ‘The Hitler Youth,’ which I am now kinda weireded out that I think is quite cool
Rapist x Harasser – Mike Tyson parodies Herman Cain…that’s awkward
Black Rappers – Interesting take on Drake and Childish Gambino & blackness
Grammy Pop – The Grammys are no longer allowing mainstream pop (tarts) to compete in the dance category. I think that’s a good idea if it’s the award for the artist, but DJs, producers and song writers should get their due (dance) props
Penny (not) Proud – Kyla Pratt, Penny Proud, is a mother…that’s also awkward