Awakened scream: Death of a friendship

Posted: July 16, 2011 in Ramblings
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I woke up this morning from a dream, a tragic, saddening and anxiety-inducing dream.

I had somehow been in a dreamscape of wonderful foods, desserts and delights all to my liking, and like was good. Even my brother who I don’t have the strongest relationship with was there and gave me his jacket because I said I was cold. And then it got bad, the scenery changed, the food was gone, I was sad and was on my way home.

In getting home, I saw that I had two messages on my phone waiting for me; both messages were from my roommate about her upcoming vacation. For someone reason, she decided to sublet her room for 2 weeks, but decided to take ‘the cable and internet’ with her because where she was going did not have it. I became so angry because I did not understand why that made sense to her, nor why she needed to search my room for the extra keys. I lost it when I saw that the wires for the internet were taken up.

Do you know how long it takes to get an appointment from the cable company, do you know how busy I am, it’s going to be so hellish to re-set this up. And who does that for just 2 weeks? Were you just leaving our lease early? And all of this lead to immense anger and screaming.

And then I woke up.

I was confused, and upset. Why was I screaming, why was I mad? I’m not actually mad at my roommate, so why am I reacting in this way. And it hit me. It’s not my roommate, it’s my friendship that is weighing so heavily on me.

I needed to talk to someone, so I texted the three people I know I can talk to about this kind of stuff. And all responded, but I spoke to just one of them. I filled her in on my recent friendship and life stresses, which is what I’m talking about today. I told her about my recent episode with a friend.

Friend: Hey. How was your day?
Me: Stayed home from work with food poisoning
Friend: Oh no Al. I picked up something from the Mongolian BBQ I had at lunch…my stomach was killing me the whole afternoon…
Me: I have legit food illness, vomit, chills and toilet marriage
Friend: Hoping I can get out of running again tonight with [fuckbuddy]/and having him spend the night tonight again. Feeling uneasy in the stomach is not cute..
[3 minutes pass]
Friend: Wow…did you go to the doctor?

I will admit that when I tell people this story I leave off the last part, mostly because I lose it before that last text is sent.

Are you really comparing your upset stomach to my food poisoning, which I reiterate is somewhat serious (staying home from work)? And you’re worried about your night with your fuckbuddy being ruined? I cease responding to text messages because I’m just so struck by the insensitivity of it all and putting the fuckbuddy over a friend’s concern.

Next day, I get a missed call during SYTYCD. And then an asinine text message about attractive people etc etc. I responded 2 hours later with a ‘You called?”Cut to the next morning, and I get a response that says ‘Yeah, was going to see if you wanted to do something last night.’

Me: Did you remember that I have food poisoning?
Friend: Oh, I didn’t know that you still had that…
Me: I told you Wednesday night and you didn’t bother to see if I still was sick, so…
Friend: I was going to ask you about that first…
Me: Oh ok, but you didn’t know I still had that?
Friend: No, I was going to ask you on the phone.
Friend: And I’ve had plenty of friends have food poisoning for just a day or two. I didn’t know yours was still going on
Friend: No worries though. No biggie.

Here is where I lost it. Shouldn’t I be the one who says ‘no worries’?

Me: You do realize that if I didn’t answer your call, I could have been too sick to pick up? Or you could have left a voicemail asking exactly what you would have  inquired by phone. ‘No worries though. No biggie’ umm, I think you were kinda insensitive by comparing your upset stomach to me having food poisoning, and talking about how it’s going to impact your run with your fuckbuddy. Umm, really? Thank you for checking in to see if I was feeling ok. Because a text really is that difficult. But I’m not actually mad or surprised so it’s really not a big deal
Friend: Dude, can you cut the drama? I texted you ‘wow, did you go to the doctor?’ FriendNever got a reply.

Again, I lost it, especially because I was at work, and on my way to the health center to make sure that I had fully recovered. If someone tells me to ‘cut the drama’ I will go apeshit on your entire life. I am not a dramatic person by nature, unless I’m doing so for comedic effect, and this was just not the moment. So I went in. I just said that he was being insensitive in his initial comments, that I don’t respond to dumb text messages. So he mentioned we draft up a code of conduct for our friendship because we always seem to have these kinds of fights.

Me: ‘It’s like you have no concept of anyone but your own thoughts, [ a contract] shouldn’t be necessary, most of the things people do as humans do is learn how to be friends. An acquaintance asked more questions that you did. Did you ever say ‘I hope you feel better’
FriendI’ll agree to it and sign it. I’m tired of feeling like I am walking on pins and needles with you all the time…
Me: I don’t care. Your lack of common sense is beyond me. Have you noticed that other people don’t make these glaringly obvious mistakes? You’re impossible. I know I demand/expect a lot, but it really isn’t that difficult. Someone is sick, you ask them if they’re ok.You follow up. You don’t talk about your own damn life and dumb shit like hot people…that’s just a sign of a gap in common sense.

And then I told him that everyone I tell this story to doesn’t think that I’m being dramatic, and people are surprised at how insensitive he is OR they say ‘that sounds just like him.’ That point was completely ignored, so he moved onto why I don’t pick up the phone when he calls. And I guess I had to remind him that I don’t like talking on the phone, and that I hate cold calls. Don’t assume I’m free just because you are, you can text me to see if I’m free/ can talk. It’s rude to assume people operate on your schedule (calling me in the middle of the day at work).

All of the bulk of this fight was via text because it was a Friday morning on a work day, but I don’t know what I would have done / said in person. I would have been a crazy screaming man, and likely been arrested.

And the most disappointing part is that I’m having the hardest time finding platonic friends and he was a sufficient one – so many others are really not looking for friendship or say they are, and then just want to fuck. I don’t want that right now.

So I spilled all of this to my friend, and felt so much better in the process. I don’t think this is the kind of person my life can handle right now. It really is not. And the worst part is that I’m reminded of this ANTM moment and actually became emotionally affected, like, seriously moved.

I feel like Tyra right now, and I’m just exhausted, cathartically exhausted. .

You’re not sick of being disappointed. If you were sick of being disappointed you, you would stand up….STOP IT. I have never yelled like this….it’s because she loves me…I was rooting for you, we were all ROOTING FOR YOU. How dare you! Learn something from this, you go to bed at night you take responsibility for yourself! Nobody is going to take responsibility for you!

Take responsibility for yourself

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